can't sleep...

and i need to be up early tomorrow. got class at UP, then some meetings and errands to do, then go to UST after. back again to the hectic, fast-paced life, after a summer that was intense but at the same time peaceful, quiet and fun.

the new school year has given me new demands and more responsibilities to face. the past few days have been nothing but psyching myself to accept what's gonna happen-- deal with the noise and stress of the streets, work to the death, almost no play, use up every single minute of the day or else suffer the consequences. yes i'm quite sure this is what will happen, as in the previous years, and the truth is, i'm dreading it. here i go again with my so-called 'important' activities... as if career should be the only thing in my life (its not, its nooot).... trying to make more money only to spend them all and have to start all over... missing out on family and friends even if my heart says not to...

you may think my complaints are shallow and baseless. after all, i am simply doing my share of serving society. i know i am lucky to even have vacations while there are many who don't. i always thank God that i have a decent job i can enjoy, that i get to earn, that the gigs are there, and that, in spite of feeling that my body is torn to pieces at the end of the day, i am still miraculously alive. nevertheless, given all the stuff that i have to do, i am really not sure now if i have enough strength and courage for it. i survived last year, but not sure if i can do it again for one more year. right now, i am desperate for more help, motivation, inspiration!

...and more importantly, faith and confidence in myself... i start the school year feeling very blind, unsure and lost...

the only thing that comes to mind now, is that little prayer a Spanish priest who died in 1994 would utter before going to bed: Gracias, perdon, y ayuda me mas!